Before and after wearing glasses

 Isn’t she look good?  

This is Zaima, Uj’s daughter, my cousin and close friend. She is almost three years old. She could not speak clear but she does not bother and keeps talking with you whether you understand her or not. She is very active and sharp baby. I call her ‘Phirky’.

Protected: An attempt to jump out of depression

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

After a long long time, I met her :)

Yeah that was a surprise for me. On monday morning, we was just busy in make a extract of major market and economic news, the routine work, Suddenly I saw a lady entered in our department holding a sleeping baby in her arms. I threw a glance, then moved to screen again. A though stroke my mind; I had seen her somewhere’.  Oh It was Shm. I was in mixed feelings of shocked and happiness. It was after more than five year that we saw each other. Her little baby gal was so cute. She kept sleeping and did not wake up on my pinching.

It was another surprise that Anaya (baby’s name) is her third child. My God, 5 years of marriage and three kids. But she was totally at peace. I know she is expert in baby sitting. She looked after her younger siblings very well.

Hey Shm! I admit that many times I tried to breakup with you for some reasons. But meeting with you on monday tols me how much I missed your smiles, your gossips, your fazool jokes, etc etc. Love you yar!

She was shocked to see me. Calling me ‘aray tu tu janati lag rahi hai, kitna noor aa gaya hai teray chehray par after wearing scarf’….. hahaha you and your explanations. She told me that i am getting much weaker than before. She didn’t change but yeah she looks mommy mommy now.

When she  met Ta and Um, I realized that I should not call them here as shm told them many secrets of mine….one of them was that I was called ‘Chota Don’ in college. hahaha I laughed alot to remind k mai kiya kiya karti rahi hoon college life mai ya Allah I felt really ashed to think that I did not bother to observe veil. That’s very bad and I thank God that I have started it now.  We recalled our Physical Education’s clas the only class which was fun for us.

She left soon as her husband is having fracture in his leg and he is on sticks nowadays. We departed with the promise that we would have a lunch soon with all of her brood.

Afresh

After a long long time finally I fell ill. The causes of my disease were unknown but my mom is confirmed that it is due to someone’s buri nazar. Hehehe I really feel better when she says ‘app log manein na manein issay eid par nazar lag gai hai’. I love my mum.

 

The Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) was diagnosed. I never heard about the disease before having it. “The cause of irritable bowel syndrome is currently unknown. IBS is thought to result from an interplay of abnormal gastrointestinal (GI) tract movements, increased awareness of normal bodily functions, and a change in the nervous system communication between the brain and the gastrointestinal tract. It has been suggested that IBS is caused by dietary allergies or food sensitivities, but this has never been proven. It occurs more often in women than in men, and it begins before the age of 35 in about 50 percent of people”.

 

My fever touched to hundred four. My whole body was aching. Sometimes I was forced to think that some one might have brutally beaten me with a mota danda. Sometimes I got exhausted same as having a bitter soccer game. I don’t understand why every thing is still dancing around me. My brother was saying that I look like a ghost. But I am not at all fed up with my bemari. I somehow wanted somewhere to get ill.

 

I did not eat for many days. I have lost my precious 10 kgs. I hate myself of being a thin girl. The shivering is still out of control and sometimes I still feel difficult to inhale deeply. I hope to recover soon inshaAllah.

 

In the whole bemari period, I missed two things at most the ‘Zinger Burger and Chicken Fajita Pizza’. Now I feel that I would never be able to eat my fav foods. How could a life be spent on liquids?

 

I have joined office today but could not understand how to hold my focus on things. Everyone wants to know the detail of my disease. I tell you app itna bemar hokar kamzoori mehsoos nai kartay jitna dusrun ko bata bata kar kartay hein k aap ko hua kiya tha. I feel sicker of telling everyone what was happened to me. I have received hundred of advices of regaining my lost vigor and I am sure that half of them would make me more sick. I do not know what crap I have written.

 

Anyhow, I thanked all of them who prayed for me. Thank you very much for your best wishes.

 

Chini kum

My eye is alright now. But it is little bit swelled. I look like chinees. But thank God it is getting fine before Eid. I hope it would be more fine till my up coming Expo and of course the splendid wedding.

Thank you Allah Ta’ala gee

My eye infection :(

My eye infection is getting serious. I am much worried as eid is near and Amna’s wedding is also right after Eid. I did not go to eye specialist yeah my laziness. Self medication is still going on. First I applied betnovate and now I have stared taking antiboitechs. Papa was insisting me to go to Doc as it’s a matter of eye. But I think it just because of an external pimple in the cornor of my eye and it would inshaAllah be handled with a new recommended ointment by umi Polifex. I will start it now. I hope it would be soon ok. I am feeling some strain on my eyesight now.

If it would not fie after using polifex then I will go to Doc…….promise papa

“Plz! remove the oxygen”.

One of our old Chairman Mr. Bukhari is a very nice and kindhearted person. He helps others as much as he can. He remains ready for something for others. I call him a humanitarian. He is getting much older than he is supposed to be. He has three daughters, no son. The elder one is a shining lady. She was brilliant at studies. She is working as a Consultant in IBM earning US$ 15,000. I heard a lot about her. Her personal life was not so good previously. Her long suffering and then her unsuccessful marriage had made her almost dead. But she remained strong in all her suffering and faced all worst with courage.

 

She was settled in USA long ago. Five years back she got married again to a guy working in the same group. He was considered to the genius consultant of IBM. They were living happily. A son was born to them eleven months before. Life was going smoothly. Bukhari saab was also satisfied with her now. But only Allah knows what lies in His decisions.

 

Last week, the guy was suddenly died of brain hemorrhage. He lived two days after the attack. Doctors told the wife that he won’t be able to survive. In case if he survives, he would lost his memory and would not be able to move his one side. He was put on oxygen machine. After two days, the wife permitted to remove his oxygen saying that ‘it would be more killing for me to see him sitting in front of me helplessly with no sign of identification’. He left behind a loving wife and eleven months old kid for whom he tried to reach home as soon as possible even if went out of country. She was telling that some times he had to change three flights to reach home as he wanted to spend as much time with his son as possible.

 

How life has been changed in a jerk? One could never imagine. She returned Pakistan with astonishing eyes, with her son and the dead body of her deceased husband. The funeral took placed in Lahore. Large number of people attended the funeral.

 

I went to Bukhari saab’s office for condolence. He was looking older. The whole time, he remained trying in controlling his tears. He told that she is still in high spirit and taking care of his son. “What a great grief it is for a father”, he said. He added, “ Can you notice what is this life? It is just a bubble of water. We remain busy all the time to keep the bubble for a longer time. But in the end we realize that we cannot increase the life of bubble with all our possible efforts”. I tried to console him but words left me alone.

 

How could she order to remove the oxygen? How would she have said good-bye to her dying husband? How she is consoling her son for this long absence of his dad? All these thoughts are making me devastating.

 

May Allah bless his sole in peace and give strength to the grieved family. Ameen

When a mother lost her son

“Yes I am grieved but I had prayed for that. I could not see him in such a deep pain. It was unbearable for me. He was such cute little baby of less than a month. I could not imagine he was having an incurable disease. I could not see him taking his last breath. He is surely in peace now. May Allah bless him”. I could not stop my tears but she was not weeping at all.  She tried to console me by saying “it is better for him to return from where he had come. That is the peaceful place for him”. 

 I was utterly shocked to see her in high spirit. I tried hard but not a single word came out off my mouth. I stared her telling details of her son’s death. I listened her saying “I will offer nawafil for shukrana that Allah has eased his pain”.

Uj is in fact my mother’s cousin but she is younger than I. She, A and I spent our childhood together. She got married in quite young age. Abdur Rehman was her second child after a doughter. He had a whole in heart by birth and obstruction in intestine. He did not survive.

She suffered in her whole pregrancy. She needed extra oxygen many times as she fell unconscious often. WIth such new technology and all modern equipment, doctors could not judge the situation of the baby. After such a long suffering, what did she get? Nothing…….

She was telling me that she was thinking that every thing would have been completed in her life after his birth. But Allah only knows what’s better and what’s not.

She is much younger than I. I could not understand that from where she got this spirit. I heard a voice from inside ‘She is a mother who cannot see her child suffering’. If a mother loves her child like that, how much Allah loves us as He says that He loves us more than 70 times than our mothers.

May Allah keep the little baby in peace and give Sabr to Uj. Ameen.

Quotes of the Day

Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.

 

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Unforgettable!!

I have to take few weeks to recover from this incident. It is not at all a comic incident as most of the members expect from me but it is such kind of thing that I can never forget. I can never forget the fear, the helplessness, my consolation and then my prompt re-action.

Few weeks back, I went to Anarkali with my mother for shopping. I usually avoid such over crowed bazaars especially on weekends. And meri kismat that it was a Saturday. As While wandering the Babar Market, I noticed that some was chasing me. I thought it might be my illusion as the market was flooded with all type of people mostly women. But there was some one. I got conscious and started walking carefully. I made my grip stronger on my handbag, and then kept it under my dupata. But my sixth sense was totally alarmed. I could not judge who was behind me. Suddenly, I was severely hit by some one’s shoulder. He was a young man with beard and seemed to me like one of the Talibans who had lost in Anarkali. He tried to hide himself in a nearby shop and succeeded to flee. It was now opened to me that he was not at all interested in my bag but in myself. I thought he would not come again but I was wrong. He remained following me the whole shopping trip. Where ever we went he tried to be with us like our shadow. I tried to be step ahead of my mother but she was extremely busy in the shopping and didn’t notice him and yes I could not tell her.

It was like a mouse cat show. I tried to near to me and each time I dodged him. But he was expert in hitting women that he again hit my shoulder. That time I hardly kept myself from falling. I forgot every thing. The shopping, the chat and dhai bhalla, every thing. I could not explain how much I felt helpless at that moment. I was complaining inside ya Allah I always request you to keep me away from such people but why again?? I was walking like robot behind my mother. I felt myself standing alone there. All my boldness and confidence flew away. I thought how much a woman is helpless that she cannot do any thing against such harassment. I don’t know how but a thought came to my mind that Allah helps those who help themselves. Then I started gathering shattered emotions thinking that what could I do and how?

I saw a policemen walking there. I thought I should tell him but he was already watching my indecently. What can I do?? Thinking thinking and thinking. Oh yes that molvi type man was still behind me and that hide & seek was going on. Now my helplessness turned into anger and then revenge. And some one was yelling inside me to do some thing and that I should not go without taking my revenge.

 Shopping was over. Mama was searching for the rickshaw. We had to walk to the bus stop and he was still following us. Mama started negotiating with the rickshaw walay uncle and I was standing on the footpath. I noticed that he was in haste to do some thing again. I said to myself, On your marks, get set……….as he came close to me, I raised all my shopping bags and hit on his face with all my powers. (shopping bags included a water set, plates, shoes, a metal dust bean, etc, means all solid things).  It was such a powerful attack that he fell down on the other side of the fence and started bleeding from his nose and mouth. He was shocked and could not move for some time. Then I shouted “you bloody….” Immediately switched to urdu……kuttay ullu k pathay tu kiya samjhta hai mai andhi hoon mijhay kuch pata nai chalta tu nay mijhay samjha kiya….” He gained his consciousness, stood up and fled like a bullet. I was thinking bas itni si baat thi ye mai pehlay kar leti tu shopping trip tu gharat na jata.

 Everyone was stunned looking at me that what had happened her suddenly. I felt some one was beating drums in myself. I threw a victorious glance at the people standing there. A group of uni boys also ran away. Hahaha……people kept distance from me…….and mama was kiya hua bag cheen raha tha kiya mijhay kiyun nai bataya…wageira wageira…….she scolded me when we returned home but I was satisfied

Zikr in first Ashra of Ramzan

 

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسأَلُكَ بِرَحْمَتِكَ الَّتِي وَسِعَتْ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ أَنْ تَغْفِرَ لِي 

Allaahumma inni as’aluka birahmatika al-lati wasi’at kulli shay’in an taghfira li

O Allah, I ask You by Your mercy which envelopes all things, that You forgive me.
[a du'a that Abdullah ibn Amar (radiAllahu anhu) used to say when breaking his fast - as reported by Ibn abi Mulaykah (radiAllahu anhu)] Aiye Allah! Is Ramzan k mahinay mai mijhay taufeeq dey k mai sahi tareeqay sey ebadat kar paoon jeisa k mijh par apki ebadat ka haq haq aur ju kami pichlay kai Ramzanun mai rah gai hai usko pura karnay ki tafeeq dey. Mijhay tafeeq dein mai zaida se zaida sawab aur rehmatein smait sakoon. Ya Allah is mah meri zindagi k mutaliq ju bhi decision ho ap usko meray liay behtareen bana dein aur mijhay sabr karnay wali bana dein baishak ap sabr karnay walun ko pasand kartay hein.

Rumi

Why does a date-palm lose its leaves in autumn?
Why does every beautiful face grow in old age?
Wrinkled like the back of a libyan lizard?
Why does a full head of hair get bald?
Why is the tall, straight figure
That divided the ranks like a spear
Now bent alomost double?
Why is it that the
Lion strength weakens to nothing?
The wrestler who could hold anyone down
Is led out with two people supporting him,
Their shoulders under his arms?
God answers,
“They put on borrowed robes
and pretended they were theirs.
I take the beautiful clothes back,
so that you will learn the robe
of appearance is only a loan.”
Your lamp was lit from another lamp.
All God wants is your gratitude for that.

You can get a wife again but money cannot be regained.

Today, I heard about a girl whose story made me really sad. It is really a very strange story.

 

Two years back, she was happily married to a guy who is working in Germany. She applied for visa. After few weeks, the guy left for Germany and it was decided that she would join him later as the process of getting visa is very lengthy. For German visa, you must have to qualify test of the German language, which is a compulsory condition for the visa issuance. She was not sharp in studies but she had to prepare for the test. Fortunately, she passed the test in her third attempt. All the disappointment had gone. She was very happy. She belongs to a very poor family. It seemed that her good days were knocking at the door. She told that she passed these two years in deep distress. Anyhow, she again applied for the Visa. Her request was rejected again with the objection that spellings of her name are incorrect in a document. (I don’t know exactly which is that document but it is supposed to be birth certificate). The correction of the name takes a lot of time and efforts and there is no one at her home who can help her in this regard. Last week, her mother has demanded for divorce on her behalf saying that we cannot put more effort to send her outside and that they had already wasted their time. I heard that she is in a very bad condition. What I should say for that silly girl who wants to go abroad alone but could not go to the offices for the correction. Her husband cannot afford to come back as one can get a wife again but money cannot be regained.
 

I was recalling one of the short stories of Ahmad Nadeem Qasmi in which a farmer’s wife and buffalo (don’t remember the animal exactly) fell deadly ill. He was living on a hill from where he could arrange to carry one of them down to the Hakeem. He was double minded whether to take his to the Hakeem or the animal. After so much deliberation, he decided to take the animal with him thinking that a new wife would not cost much but he could never be able to buy a new animal again.

How to save a life

 

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

I have surrendered.

Yes I have surrendered. Everyone is getting upset because of me. And I am more than depressed. I will do whatever they want. No arguments from my side now. zipppppp

May Allah give me guidance and show me the right path.